Late...but Happy Fathers Day...

I know that yesterday was Fathers' Day and all...well, as many of you know, my father passed away many years ago already...and that over the years I have had little to no communication with two of his siblings.
I do miss my father dearly...Over the years I have grown up and become the person that I am. Mostly due to the influence that my mother had on me. So, I remember the last day that I spent with you...like it was yesterday...That day will live in my memory forever...because if I had known then what I know now I would have spent those last few hours with you and not worrying about leaving on vacation the next day. I remember that you told me that I had better behave this time while I was with them (my aunt and uncle)....and that you told me that you loved me and that you would see me when I got back in August...then off I went...Thinking that I would see you in a month...Not knowing...
I remember the phone call at 2 in the morning...She comes into my room...tells me to hurry and get up...we need to go back to North Dakota right away...but she won't tell me why...probably for the best...I watch as the scenery passes by me...all the way back to Grandma's. Then I think that something has happened to Grandma...still not knowing and by now it has been almost 12 hours...There sits mom...crying...and Paul...Uncle Gary...Grandma...Uncle Tim...also all crying...I know then that it's bad...after the news is told I remember that I went outside...what I was looking for I am not sure...I just needed to not be in there...I remember that I was thinking that it was all a bad dream...and that sooner or later I would wake up...Still waiting for that to happen though...
Facing everyone in Grand Forks again was hard...I am still in denial...and when I went back home again I find out that pretty much everyone already knew...In fact someone's parents knew while the EMT's were still in the house trying to revive you...they saw the ambulance...but could not get to the house to see if I was there or not...but they were relieved to find out that I had already left...but knew that now they would be explaining what had happened...and why I was home already...
If I thought that was hard...that was a breeze compared to what was coming still though...Just remember that I love you no matter what...and the next couple of days were hard...but then comes time for the funeral...and I remember leaving for that...out in your hometown...and although at the time everyone made me feel welcome...I felt only loneliness and heartache...because I had just buried my father...and I am only 13...
Now is the time that I remember you the most though...for it is coming upon the anniversary of your death...and this is the time of the year that makes me the most emotional and sad...This year will be no exception to that either...In fact this year may be even harder...for I have not talked to any of your siblings in many years now...And the last communication that I had with one was distant and I hung up the phone in tears...well, recently I received a birthday card from your sister...and they are having a family reunion this summer...around the "anniversary" and I have decided to attend...not because I am interested in communication with the "uncle" that I last talked to...but, so that I can get the remaining pictures that "aunt" still has and also the paperwork from being discharged...so, I shall get that stuff...then I feel that maybe there will be closure on that part of my life...but never from you...For you will always live in my heart and soul...I am after all a piece of you...