More pics...

The subject of this post is Regret...Recently I have run across a post from someone that says that they are experiencing emotions from losing someone close to them...And you know what? I know how you are feeling because when my father passed away (in '88) I went through every stage of grief that a person can think of...including depression, guilt, regret because I was on vacation instead of being close to him, some major remorse because I knew that I would never see him again...and that he would not be there to watch me get married, see or hold his grandchildren...all that stuff that people think about when they lose someone close to them. When my father passed away I was 13 and that was the third person that was close to me that had passed away already...The first was Christoper...We met when we were about 4 and remained friends until the day he dies...From Leukemia...at the age of 9...He was older than I was (by 20 days!) and so we were pretty much "twins" while growing up...The only times that we would stand be separated was when we were in school (attended different schools). That meant that every weekend was like a mini-party for us because we would be together and having fun...Some people compared us to being brother and sister. Today Chris would be 31 and I am sure that we would still be the best of friends just because we were so close growing up...I am still reminded of him every time I go to Grand Forks (where I grew up) because his aunt and my mom are still really good friends and she has pictures of the two of us. I regret that he could not live longer and when I think of him I remember all the good times that we had. Celebrating our birthdays together and Halloween right before he died will live long in my memory. I will always remember him no matter what I do and where I go in life...
The key to losing someone (in my mind that is) is to remember them with open arms and no matter what you remember just thinking about them will make you think that they are still there because they are always with you...IN YOUR HEART...that is...
So, to you, I am telling you this because of that fact that I know that you are hurting and in pain right now...You need to remember that there are others out there that you can talk to and that will help you with whatever feelings you are experiencing at that particular moment...And I for one am always willing to listen...I know where you have been through is incredibly hard to get through and there will never be a day that you won't think of that person...You never really get over a huge loss like that...Holidays are the hardest...I remember the first Christmas without my dad...like it was yesterday...So, I am going to leave on that note right now...Anyone please feel free to let me know what you think...I know that this is a downer post but I am going to expose it for now that is... Until next time!

Love,

~Joy~

Here is what I wrote about Chris on my MSN blog...One of the first posts that I ever did! *Says that I am really done now for sure!

I still remember that day that we met...like it was yesterday...there you were...sitting on her lap...in my spot...I know now...that she is your aunt...but all that I could think about was "He is in my spot"...and I wanted you to get off...Yes, I know, I was spoiled...but those were the days...and these are the days...

Then I find out that your name is Christopher...and you are her nephew...and she wants us to play together nicely...you are only over visiting for the day...good thing also, since, you know, boys are icky! That was what I thought at the time...Hey I was only 4...now I know differently..
I then find out that you are very kewl...and that you are one of the best friends' that I will ever have...if only for a short period of time...when we weren't together it was like we were lost without each other...so our parents' told us...and since you left me it has felt that way sometimes also...

The day that we celebrated our 5th birthdays together was a like a bright light in my life then...after all by then we were like twins...if anyone saw one of us...they knew that the other one was close behind...that is what we did...we used to play with each other all the time...sometimes we would include other kids also...and that was the best...

The last normal day that we had was the 5th birthday...right after that...you got sick...and to think that it would change our lives forever...I still remember the day that our parents' were told what you were sick with...all the hush hush and whispering that was going on...how are we going to tell them...that was the topic of the day...remember like it was yesterday...
That summer was difficult for you...going through the chemo and radiation treatments...no going to the pool...swimming...lakes...that was the year about hospitals...but finally you were in remission...and we thought that life was looking good again...

School starts...and we are in separate schools...oh oh...that means that we are separated...but it is only for 5 days a week...weekends are the best...it is all about us again!...Here it is our birthdays again...yeah we are 6 now! The best times are yet to come right? So we thought...but like the last year...you get sick again...
This time it wasn't as easy...more treatments and this time they are ongoing...Why can't you beat this thing? I thought that maybe it was something that I had done wrong and that God was punishing you...
That last Halloween will remain in my memory...I remember that you couldn't go trick-or-treating...but I wanted to go...so, you tell me to go with my friends...and then afterwards we will meet at "Aunt Kristy's" house...but you never once complained over the fact that you couldn't get out...maybe it was because of the fact that we split up the candy...and then never even ate it...

Three years of on...off...on...off...on...off...where does it ever stop at? Finally we are a very "mature" 9 and think that the world is the best! We are told that everyone thinks that you have finally beat it again...well, that is what they told us...then the "Make-A-Wish Foundation" comes to town...and you choose a hot air balloon ride...Yes, I remember that...I still have the pictures packed away...I will take them out when I feel it is necessary...to remind my children of one of the best friends that I ever had...and I will tell them his story...of how we met...and how at first I was scared of you...but you turned out to be one of the coolest people that I ever knew...and someday I will meet you again...in Heaven...

My final question for the night...what did I do? I lost all the links! So, with that I am back to figuring it all out again! O-Well I will get it eventually...Until next time...Enjoy life to the fullest!! I will be!!!