My Story...

Now I lay me down to sleep
Pray the spinning slows down to a creep.
May I find a way to ignore the noise
That rings in my ears and drowns out the joys.
Of a long ago and peaceful night of dreams
Too much to ask for, sometimes it seems.
Daylight has come, I've barely slept
I laid in bed most of the night and wept.
The spinning and ringing and feeling bad
I prayed for the days when MM I'd not had.
I wake only to find it's with me still.
And reach for yet another pill.
I pray to be free of this MM of mine
So someday I could walk in one straight line.
Not to run into a wall or a door
And pray that I won't hit the floor
Be able to ride in anything on wheels
Without the ills of tossing my meals.
I pray to someday lead a normal life
Free from MM's constant strife.
For now Lord, all I can do is pray
That you help me through another day.
Help me to get out of my bed
And clear this fog from my head.
Help me to get just one small thing done
Without needing help from anyone.
The dishes or laundry or driving my car
Just to the store, that's not very far.
To do just one simple thing's all I ask
Without it being such a major task.
Another day has come to an end
What's there to show for the efforts I spend.
My head spins in circles, I ran into walls
Took dozens of pills and made more phone calls.
For doctor to help, what good does it do
I tossed every meal, yet kept praying to you.
I know that someday you will hear my plea
And take this disease away from me.

_________________________________________________________________

Some of you may remember that I once posted this poem before...but tonight's subject is about Meniere's...I admit that I have it, openly. I do not expect any special treatment from others...In the past I have experienced many symptoms...including the dizziness, depression, vertigo, nasea and I will be the first to admit that it was not the best experience of my life...Currently I have NONE of those symptoms (knock on wood!)...but another symptom of Meniere's is that you experience hearing loss...and guess what???? I do and forever will...I am writing this today because I just got the latest results of my last hearing test (I visit an audiologist every year plus an ENT every 6-9 months) and the hearing has decreased in my affected ear (left). I have never thought about the possibility that some day I will not be able to hear in that ear...but now it has become a reality...I am thankful that my other ear though has stayed the same and they said that it should stay the same or (maybe) even pick up some slack from my left ear (hoping!)

I remember that when I was first diagnosed I was scared (to say the least) and I was thinking that I would not have much of a life anymore...Then the doctor (my family physician at the time) told me that in 2 years I would no longer be working...So, I felt that I needed a second opinion and guess what...he (my now family physician) told me that you can suffer a lot in the beginning and then not have any "episodes" for years...That so describes me!!! It will be 5 years, in January, since my first initial diagnosis and in May it will be 5 years since I have had any "episodes". (I have to add it was a wild ride in the beginning)

I am hoping that by telling my story maybe people will become aware of this...I have faced up to the fact that some day I will lose all of my hearing in the left ear (currently 69.7% loss) and when that day comes I will be prepared because of my ENT/Audiologist/Family Physician that have helped to prepare me for the worst...but keep hoping for the best! To this day I do live life to the extreme extent that I can...And I do it for a purpose...to overcome all the fears that I had in me almost 5 years ago...and to live life to the fullest...and with that I am planning my next vacation yet!!! *excited* Because I know that when I do go there I will be doing it as a celebration to almost 5 years of being symptom free...

Thanks for listening to my story!

Love,

~Joy~

And the pic is from my mom's 50th Birthday...Also, my 30th Birthday...Yeah we share a birthday! Was a good day! (2005)